I never thought I would be able to use a Train lyric as a title. But what can I say, I’m an opportunist.
overheard in 5th grade land:
Scene: 5th grade science. Phases of the moon.
Student: “Ok but I have a question. I’ve never personally been to the Milky Way before...”
Teacher (mumbles): “Yeah, I bet you haven’t.”
Student: “... so like what would happen to our insides?”
12th Grade Englishy Friends
Student J: “ Did you hear about all the scholarships our class got?!”
Me: “No, how much?”
Student J: “ 6 million! “ Picks up her phone says, “A, does Jacksonville do that?!”
Im assuming A mumbled something sarcastic back because J said, “Girl I got some of that money! It was easy! All I had to say was I’m a lesbian! I got money for being a lesbian!”
2nd grade Land
Student 1: “Ms Daley!” Hugs me then plays with the ties on my dress. “You look decent today!”
Me: “Just decent? I thought I looked pretty good!”
Student 1 : “Yeah, just decent.”
Student 2: “ That’s mean! She looks beautiful!”
Student 1: “ Quit sucking up just because you want markers.”
12th grade englishy friends
Teacher: “E, I’m going to need you to move your boulder.”
E: “iight. I’ll be back.”
Some time later.
E, busts through the door, kisses biceps, and says, “Mustang and Sally are ready.”
During recess, my cherubs “beat up” their imaginary friends. Excuse my laughter, I couldn’t help it.
Conversation in 4th period:
E: Ms. Daley, do you have any scissors?
Me: In the scissor bin.
E goes to the back of the room to retrieve the scissor bin. As he walked past, I notice he a large popsicle stick.
5 minutes later E leaves his seat and runs over to my couch. I though he was punching the couch, but he was actually stabbing it with the popsicle stick.
Me: E! What are you doing?!
E: Look Ms. Daley! I made a shank!
things i overheard
"That ain't my weave ball."
Student 1: Your generation is a mistake.
Student 2: Wait, you're a part of this generation.
"You better win or I'll tickle your giblets."
It's the most wonderful time of the year!
To all my non-teacher readers, standardized testing is the worst. Yes, the absolute worst. You are forced to sit in a stuffy room with nothing. You can't read, grade, or design life changing and thought provoking curriculum. Nope. You have to sit and stare at your cherubs taking a test. Most of them finish early so they just stare back at you which is awkward because you end up pondering random things: Is this a staring contest? Should I blink first? If I blink first, will they think I'm weak? Oh wait, is he doing morse code - two blinks means, what? Are they staring at me or the clock? Did I just stare down a kid? Great, am I the weird teacher now? Did he just drool?
This article, "The 10 Stages of Monitoring a Standardized Test," does an amazing job of showing what monitoring a test is like. Step 8 really hit me today. I may have convinced myself I was having a heart attack. I was in mid daydream (Specifically, I was in the ambulance surrounded by the Grey's Anatomy cast) when I burped. Totally survived that "heart attack."
Anyways, I digress.
Because this is the first day of AP Testing, I decided to keep a "SHHH" tally, a "OMG-the-announcements-came-on-during-the-test" tally, and a "Misc." tally. Judge all you want. It helped me stay sane.
SHHH Tally: 33 times someone said "shhh" in the hallway
OMG-the-announcements-came-on-during-the-test Tally: 3
May all your testing be merry and bright.
While I was walking in the hallway, I saw J slap unknown student's booty.
Me: "You can't slap people's bootys! It's their booty, not yours!"
J: "Oh no! I'm sorry you saw that!"
Me: "Tell him you're sorry not me..."
J: "I'm sorry, student, next time I'll ask first."
Student: "Are we suppose to ask everyone if we touch a booty?"
J: *looks at own hand* "Hello! I would like to touch your booty! Is that OK? Yes?!" *slaps own booty* "Like that Ms. Daley?"
Me: "Very good."
Overheard in the English corner:
Teacher: "You need to give me your phone."
Student: "You're forcin' fam."
Teacher: "Yeah yeah I'm a force. I'm forcin'. I'm forcin' you to do work."
If someone could figure out a way for me to not hear "forcin'" again, that'd be great.
While watching Zootopia
Me: "Look! I love the bunny!"
Student 1: "Aw that's a cute bunny."
Student 2: "Naw fam, we're not watching this anymore?"
Me: "Why?? I want to watch the bunny!"
Student 2: "They're saying the bunny is cute! It's a cartoon."
Me: "Well, it is a cute wittle bunnyyyy!"
Student 3: "That bunny ain't cute. It's thick."
Me: "A thick bunny?"
Student 1: "Oh yea! That bunny is thick!"
Student 3: "Yea look at the bunny now."
Me: "I'm uncomfortable."
Student 1:"Huh I thought the bunny was taller. If she was taller she'd be better."
Whelp. I'm never watching that movie again.
Today I had the pleasure of witnessing what happens during a potential kidnapping of a Capri Sun.
K asked B for his Capri Sun. K was upset that he finished his quickly. B started sucking his down. K got up and ran at him from across the classroom. Seeing the imminent doom of K barreling towards him, B jumped up on his chair, hissed and waved his arms, and then threw the empty Capri Sun at K.
Two scholars were sitting on my couch. Out of nowhere, K put his arm around D. D jerked away and said, "Chil out fam." K leaned in closer and replied, " Shhhh, the more you resist, fam, the more uncomfortable it'll be."